When you start thinking about your birth preferences, including your birth partners is vital. Whilst they can't give consent on your behalf, they can work with your maternity team to ensure your choices are listened to and respected.
What does the research say about birth partners?
A Cochrane review (2019) of 51 studies from 22 countries examined the 'Perceptions and experiences of labour companionship'. They found that critical aspects of the birth partners' role helped mums have a more positive birth experience. These included:
- Informational support: Helping mum understand the information given to them by their maternity team during labour.
- Acting as an advocate: Speaking up for mum and her birth preferences during labour.
To do this effectively, birth partners must understand what can happen during labour and birth. One of the best places to build this knowledge is by attending antenatal classes, ideally taught by midwives with broad childbirth experience. Or, if you choose not to go to antenatal classes, do your research online and ask your community midwife questions.
Doing this research together will not only help your birth partner prepare for childbirth. It will also help them understand your preferences for different scenarios, should anything change. This knowledge will help empower them to advocate for you and provide informational support when needed. We know both are critical aspects of supporting you to have a positive birth experience, even if things don't go to plan.
Recognising when you've actually changed your mind
It's not just your maternity team who may advise a change to your birth preferences. You may also change your mind about certain choices. It makes sense that something you thought you wanted in pregnancy may not be what you want on the day. It is absolutely fine to change your mind!
A big part of the birth partner's role is to support you and your birth preferences, even when things get tough. For example, you may have chosen not to have specific pain relief. Then, as labour progresses, you may tell your birth partner you've changed your mind (which is not uncommon).
By supporting your birth preferences, your birth partner may help you into a different position whilst giving you lots of encouragement - but not grab the midwife for the pain relief. Their action may help enough that you decide you don't want the pain relief after all. Your birth partner has supported you and your birth preferences.
Alternatively, you may have genuinely changed your mind. In this case, your birth partner trying to support your original preference of 'no pain relief' may be unhelpful and frustrating. How will they know this and be able to best support your new choice? Often, people forget this vital talking point! A discussion beforehand can help your birth partner feel in control of their role and know they're supporting your true wishes - even when they change.
Anticipating your needs
The other important aspect of understanding your birth preferences is that your birth partner will be able to anticipate your needs and manage your birth environment more effectively. For example, rather than telling the midwife you look tired and can't do this anymore, which can be pretty demoralising! Instead, they reach for an energy-boosting snack (for you), put on an upbeat playlist you love, help you into a more comfortable position and ask the midwife what she thinks will help you regain some energy.
We love this birth partner! They're smashing it.
Acknowledge their needs
It is also important for birth partners to consider their needs during labour and childbirth. This could be their physical needs, such as staying well hydrated and eating proper meals (haribo and coffee from the vending machines are not going to cut it) so they maintain good energy levels. Or having a change of clothes and something to freshen up with as labour is hot work for both of you.
Another thing for all birth partners to consider is their emotional needs - watching someone they love giving birth and the emotions this may give rise to. Many birth partners experience moments of vulnerability or feeling out of control, and without the right coping strategies, this can make their experience of labour and birth emotionally difficult or even traumatising. Taking time to consider this possibility and coming up with coping strategies they can rely on will not only help them in those difficult moments, it will also help them be the best support to you.
So, in summary
- Your birth partner has a vital role to play during labour!
- They need to understand the birth process to do their job.
- Help them understand your preferences so that they can speak up for you.
- Discuss how they'll know the difference between when you're wavering and when you've changed your mind.
- The better prepared they are, the better they can anticipate your needs!
- The better prepared they are, the better they can anticipate thier own emotions and needs.